This history of the world was compiled by Richard Lederer from actual student bloopers and mistakes which I came across in class last week and got from here. It's crazy long, so I've posted an abridged version below, which is still pretty long, but worth a good laf. (btw, an update on me...1 assignment and 1 final to go with 1 week left in the semester!! woo hoo)
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
The Greeks had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the center Ages. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Queen Elizabeth of England was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
During the Renaissance, America began. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherent his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
and that He actually wants to hear it too!
