storytime

Wow. It's been over a month since I updated? My bad.

I'm doing the Thanksgiving storytime at my library on the Wednesday before (Nov. 26) at 11:30am. I'm doing it all by myself because the librarian who usually does it will be on vacation, so if you wanna check it out and come and support me, feel free (would probably be good if you came with a kid too....hehe). :) It'll be my first ever storytime!!!!!!!!! It's rather nerve-wracking, but exciting. I just found out on Monday that I'm gonna be training to do a storytime in Mandarin too. Yikes! I might pass my broken Chinese onto unsuspecting little children.

I'm discovering more and more what a major home body I am. I seriously get rather discontent when I don't get quality home time to just vege in front of the TV or read or something. And even if I do the same very chill stuff somewhere else, it's just not the same. Tonight I enjoyed Obama's speech & The Jane Austen Book Club while eating dinner & sipping a glass of wine with some chocolate. It was very very satisfying. :) But oops! I just realized I forgot to do my weekly, getting-ready-for-the wedding, beautifying facial mask... My bad. I'll have to make it up tomorrow cuz I've already skipped a week and I think it's made a huge difference (my face has been breaking out like mad this past week without it).

One final note: I hate ants.

SATC: the movie

I just finished watching SATC: the movie with N & P tonight. Yay! It was really nice to have a semi-spontaneous girl night. :) But man, I'm so glad I watched it on the small screen...so much gratuitous sex/naked scenes! It was Waaay too graphic & over the top for me. yick. But great SATC. It really was just like an episode.

Anyhow, the movie and its theme of hurt & forgiveness really got me thinking (a la Carrie)...why is it so hard for me to forgive? I totally got Miranda. That's exactly my reaction whenever I get hurt. I cut the other person out of my life and carry that grudge alone even past the point of my hurt. Or like I cling to that hurt as justification for hating the other person and being spiteful, etc. Even when part of me wants to let it go. Even when the one in the "wrong" has tried to apologize and make things right. There's just part of me (oftentimes the stronger part) that won't let go of the hurt, and thus, the anger/punishment mentality.

Recently, I've come to realize that it's pride that holds me back. Because to let go of "You hurt me" means I lose my hold over that other person. Or I lose out on the debt that I believe That person owes me. So then even though it hurts me to not forgive, I believe that it'd hurt me to forgive as well. And I think that is the lie that I'm supposed to believe & follow. That instead of mending the cracked relationship and making it even stronger for its flaws (like a healed broken bone), it's time to just get rid of it and start fresh with someone new, someone who hasn't hurt me...yet. Heck knows, that's certainly my first instinct. Flee! But I'm coming to realize that anyone I'm involved with emotionally is bound to hurt me. Just as I'm sure I do my share of the hurting as well. It's part of caring and it's part of having assumptions/expectations...it's part of being human. (Though it's funny...cuz until Steve spoke up about his hurt from Miranda's brutally cold shoulder, I had barely stopped to consider his side! hehe Guess that goes to show just how self-centered I am by default. Carrie sure is mature to realize her part in the Big fiasco all by herself.)

And it all comes back to God. (Yes, dear reader, sorry for sneaking the G word into this post but it seriously does all come back to God! And how grateful I am that it does.) Anyhow, when I think about how God forgave me so easily of all my trespasses against Him. With no poutiness and no grudges...without even making me work for it. I'm just too amazed and in awe and blessed beyond measure. That's how much God loves me, and I...I make the people who I "love" suffer and yet still I won't forgive. But I don't want to merely condemn myself and chastise myself to try harder either, because that's not the point. I desire for a heart change so that I'll be better able to fight against the unwillingness to forgive.

And the final thought I'll leave you with:
Samantha certainly has it right when she characterized a relationship with someone else...or loving someone else...to be when you're more concerned about them & their well-being than your own. Obviously, I don't think she was talking about the unhealthy kind of dependency where your life revolves around the other person...but genuine, pure love that, I would hazard to guess, we all long for. And I hope to grow in the ability to love so that I'm less self-centered and less prideful and more true. And I pray to be able to love God (& Bob) the way He (& my future husband - or mfh) loves me.

Who knew SATC could get me get me thinking so much? :)

can't stop that icky feeling

Have you ever started the day off feeling ok and then one little thing happens, and it totally ruins the good mood? And then it just seems like a bunch of sucky things happen, that probably normally wouldn't phase you, but today, it all adds up to major suckiness? Once this happens, I find it really hard to shake the associated icky-ness and just go on with the day. For some reason, I feel the need to wallow in it and just be blah. Like it'd be wrong to let myself drop it and think happy thoughts instead. Weird eh?

On an unrelated note, my boss is out sick again today...I'm bored at work and debating if I should just leave early. What a waste of the travel time...*sigh*

small praises

Today I realized something soo cool.

• It was overcast but no rain on Monday, when I had to ride the light rail and walk to campus.
• It POURED down so hard on Tues, when I had to stay in all day to work on assignments. (But the rain thankfully cleaned my car of the bird poo that I had just noticed and realized I didn't to wash off soon)
• And today it's bright and sunny, when I had to return to campus (and thus, walk to/from the light rail station)
• And Tomorrow, when I have class again, it's forecasted to be sunny as well!

Yay!! God is so merciful! In the midst of sucky projects and deadlines, He still lightens my burdens and gives me blessings. :)

It's so good to be a child of God.
that i can tell Him absolutely everything on my mind...uncensored, unfiltered, and as totally completely emotional as i'm feeling. and that He actually wants to hear it too!

this may seem out of the blue...don't really feel like explaining the context, just marveling once again at how easy it is to forget simple truths. Have a great (superbowl) weekend everyone!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everybody!
i know, it's so belated...but i was in maui, so i'm sure you'll excuse me. :D
just got back this morning (flew in on a red eye, ouch) and have yet to unpack. haha
but so devoted to my avid readers, that i posted first! :)

Thankfully, i had a brief moment to look back on 2006 before 2007 began and was stunned at just how much has happened in the past year. The biggest of which was quitting from Intel and starting grad school. i also started dating bob. i served my first year as a youth counselor. i became a member of Canaan. i finished reading thru the whole Bible for the very first time. i traveled to central europe with near strangers and volunteered to stay behind an extra day on the overbooked flight to get a $1000 voucher! i went to NYC with di, nan & al to visit shar and had a blast. i got the honor of serving as a bridesmaid at sherry's wedding and then became a bridesmaid for the 4th time for another friend who got engaged. and i continue to learn what it means to put God first and started really desiring to seek solitude & silence in order to listen for Him. Wow. it's been eventful to say the least, and through it all God has been so faithful. I feel so beyond blessed. He has given me courage to start out on an unfamiliar path, patience to wait on His timing, and enough trust in Him to believe even when sometimes i lose sight. I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, but i'll make an exception this year. My one & only resolution for 2007 is to continue seeking after God and fulfilling His desire for my life.

So farewell 2006, and welcome 2007.
May this next year bring much joy & love to you all!

lesson from the kiddies

News Flash!
We are too busy for God. Not just the high schoolers with SATs and college apps to worry about...or the collegians with their loads of coursework...or even the young adults with work & all the added responsibilities of growing up...

no matter what age we are...we are ALL too busy for God. Even my 1st, 3rd & 4th graders proclaimed everyday how busy they were with instrument lessons, sports, school, etc etc...too busy for God. I was stunned. It made me re-examine my own reasons for why I so often feel like I'm too busy for God. And I realized that my busyness was just an excuse and really not a valid reason in my avoidance of spending time alone with God.

It reminded me of when PTim preached a while ago (for the prayer month kick-off..maybe feb?) about how it's important for us to figure out WHY we don't want to spend time with God and address that first. I think part of the reason for me is that I'm tired and I know God wants me to do more, but I'm not sure I have the energy for anything else (I don't got the bandwidth! in geek speak). But I also gotta remember that God is the only one who can restore & refresh me and I can go to Him for anything, with anything that I'm feeling. I can lay my tiredness at His feet and just seek rest (cuz He promises rest to the weary in Matthew 11:28-30).

And when I am doing His work, to not count on just my own strength, but His, so that He can truly be glorified through it. And when I know I can't do everything that I want to (or think He wants me to), I can seek His guidance, especially in knowing exactly what He wants me to do! "If you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking." --James 1:5 (NLT)

COME-uni-KAY-shon

words.
they're so commonplace...just a bunch of letters strung together. and yet they have the power to make or break someone's day. Carelessly speaking can really create a mess of hurt feelings or anger or whatever that takes up so much more energy to clean up than if the words had never been used in the first place!

Altho i haven't hurt anyone with my words lately (at least not that i know of!!!) i do feel like a lot of words that have been coming out of my mouth (or um...typed in emails...and more like end of May timeframe when i orginally wrote this =P) aren't necessary and are a waste (of energy, time, etc). reading the verses below really reminded me that i need to consider what is occupying my mind so that the words i speak & write will also be purposeful & valueable and not just...wa-wa-waah-wah. *imagine the sounds that come out of the adults' mouths in snoopy cartoons*

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. -- Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. -- 1 Cor2:13 (NIV)

=================
Now...here's my update to these thoughts:
actually, misinterpreting someone else's words can have equally unfortunate results. but how you understand what another person's saying is totally dependent on so many factors, including your impression of the person speaking, your personality, your history (like if certain words are major triggers for you), etc. etc. it's all sooo complicated! thinking about all the things that can cause communication disconnects, it's amazing that people can understand each other on the first try at all. And in view of that fact and also cuz i assume most of the people i know are well-meaning and speak with good intentions (not to harm)...could we please give each other the benefit of the doubt before jumping to the wrong conclusions? just a thought.

not here

“Heaven is not here, it’s there. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next.” – Elisabeth Elliot

it's so easy to get wrapped up in busyness, the details of the daily grind and just getting thru the day such that the big picture is forgotten. i don't wanna "settle"! i don't wanna get lost in the mechanics of living and forget what my real purpose is. That i'm looking forward to something greater than this world & this life & what i can see. and what's more, i can't afford to forget it! the consequences are far too great.

plz shout a little louder

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our consciences, but shouts to us in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
--C.S. Lewis

i've read/heard this quote twice recently and i really identify with it.
when things are going smoothly, i tend to rely on myself to get things done and while i appreciate God's blessings in my life, His voice is very gentle and easily missed. So i continue on my merry way, doing my own thing and get so busy that i have very little time for God. it's often then that i run into problems or just feel like life's spiraling out of control and realize (yet again) that i have wandered far from God, that i can't do everything on my own, and that I need Him - His wise counsel...His strength...His patience...His love...everything.

It's sad that it takes pain & troubles to get my attention. That God needs to throw up these roadblocks in order to remind me who He is and what my purpose is. And get my easily- distracted-gaze refocused back on Him. But I'm immensely thankful too that God cares enough to shout at me to get my attention. That no matter how many times i lose sight of Him (on a weekly or even daily basis!), He calls out to me and helps me find my way back.

Do you ever feel like God's trying to get your attention?