SATC: the movie

I just finished watching SATC: the movie with N & P tonight. Yay! It was really nice to have a semi-spontaneous girl night. :) But man, I'm so glad I watched it on the small screen...so much gratuitous sex/naked scenes! It was Waaay too graphic & over the top for me. yick. But great SATC. It really was just like an episode.

Anyhow, the movie and its theme of hurt & forgiveness really got me thinking (a la Carrie)...why is it so hard for me to forgive? I totally got Miranda. That's exactly my reaction whenever I get hurt. I cut the other person out of my life and carry that grudge alone even past the point of my hurt. Or like I cling to that hurt as justification for hating the other person and being spiteful, etc. Even when part of me wants to let it go. Even when the one in the "wrong" has tried to apologize and make things right. There's just part of me (oftentimes the stronger part) that won't let go of the hurt, and thus, the anger/punishment mentality.

Recently, I've come to realize that it's pride that holds me back. Because to let go of "You hurt me" means I lose my hold over that other person. Or I lose out on the debt that I believe That person owes me. So then even though it hurts me to not forgive, I believe that it'd hurt me to forgive as well. And I think that is the lie that I'm supposed to believe & follow. That instead of mending the cracked relationship and making it even stronger for its flaws (like a healed broken bone), it's time to just get rid of it and start fresh with someone new, someone who hasn't hurt me...yet. Heck knows, that's certainly my first instinct. Flee! But I'm coming to realize that anyone I'm involved with emotionally is bound to hurt me. Just as I'm sure I do my share of the hurting as well. It's part of caring and it's part of having assumptions/expectations...it's part of being human. (Though it's funny...cuz until Steve spoke up about his hurt from Miranda's brutally cold shoulder, I had barely stopped to consider his side! hehe Guess that goes to show just how self-centered I am by default. Carrie sure is mature to realize her part in the Big fiasco all by herself.)

And it all comes back to God. (Yes, dear reader, sorry for sneaking the G word into this post but it seriously does all come back to God! And how grateful I am that it does.) Anyhow, when I think about how God forgave me so easily of all my trespasses against Him. With no poutiness and no grudges...without even making me work for it. I'm just too amazed and in awe and blessed beyond measure. That's how much God loves me, and I...I make the people who I "love" suffer and yet still I won't forgive. But I don't want to merely condemn myself and chastise myself to try harder either, because that's not the point. I desire for a heart change so that I'll be better able to fight against the unwillingness to forgive.

And the final thought I'll leave you with:
Samantha certainly has it right when she characterized a relationship with someone else...or loving someone else...to be when you're more concerned about them & their well-being than your own. Obviously, I don't think she was talking about the unhealthy kind of dependency where your life revolves around the other person...but genuine, pure love that, I would hazard to guess, we all long for. And I hope to grow in the ability to love so that I'm less self-centered and less prideful and more true. And I pray to be able to love God (& Bob) the way He (& my future husband - or mfh) loves me.

Who knew SATC could get me get me thinking so much? :)

Less than 4 months to go!

So last month...I pretty much was just getting used to work again and being tired from work and recovering from work. :) So though we started research and worked on a few wedding stuff, we didn't actually book/settle anything. Add to that, a week or so ago, we found out that we won't be able to have our ceremony at our church, so we're scrambling to find another alternative now. *sigh* But we have managed to book our honeymoon. 6 nights all-inclusive in Jamaica with a whirlpool & stocked bar in our suite....I can't wait!!!!! :) On the agenda this month (to make up for the fact that we didn't finish anything last month) = book church, book florist, book bakery for cake, order invitations, start getting photos for slideshow, book hair/makeup...and ooo! i need to find a tailor for my dress!!

On the church front, I think we have several options. It's taken quite a while to get in touch with people, especially since Labor Day just passed and many people were out on vacation. Plus, most of the churches on our first round were unavailable (thank you, Jeremy for doing the checking for us). We have 1 definite possibility right now and several others in the works.

Whoa! Cakes are so much more expensive than I ever imagined. But we have 2 cake-tasting appointments so far with some more affordable options that are still well-reviewed. We were thinking of doing cupcakes originally, but after booking such a nice photographer (and getting cake-cutting fee waived), we decided a cake would look much better! hehehe Here's a pic of what we're thinking of having, but only 3 tiers...

Florists. I've met with 2 so far and am waiting for an estimate from one of them. I keep changing my mind about it. I have no idea about flowers, so I'm really scared about whether it'll come out looking nice!! I have a color scheme in mind, but I haven't been able to find any example pics of it in any of the magazines/websites I've searched. Arg! Hopefully the florist I choose will know what she's doing and just make it all look good!

Hair & makeup...just trying to book a trial now. We're going to go out for a nice dinner afterwards too. YAY! Mainly cuz I'm obsessed with trying foie gras before it becomes illegal to import it in 2009 (or so I hear)!

Oh yeah! And Bob & I have decided on a wedding invitation design. Just need to figure out how many we need, book a church, get the wording right and order!

All in all, I'm pretty confident we can get most of this stuff done this month! But man, am I glad that I'm only working p/t right now...I can't imagine trying to plan this AND be working 8 hrs/day. Everytime I think about how much (or little) time is left, I get a little stressed. Ack!

PM Update: Wow! Today alone I've been so productive. I've done my laundry, dropped my sis & her family at SJC, booked 2 cake tastings & called several others, set day for hair/makeup trial (and thus made dinner reservations), called our all-inclusive to give our room location preferences, got in touch with 1 church to confirm availability, scheduled a few tutoring lessons, wrote a blog post and rescheduled work for next week. Whewie! Time for a break.