tired

I'm TIRED.

I'm just tired.

The To Do list has never been more neverending for me than now. There is no light at the end of the road. There is just more road. More stuff to do.

I need to multi-task in order to survive. And while I'm working on those things, there's always other things clamoring for my attention...responsibilities to manage...decisions to make...someone needing my help...a gift to buy...a party to attend...even doing fun things is becoming a drain on time...not to mention the billion and one other things I really ought to be doing as well.

I'm tired!!!
How do I rest in You, Lord?
How do I find joy in You? And not just feel resentment toward all the ToDo's, viewing them as burdens instead of approaching them cheerfully cuz I enjoy it or want to?

I'm tired.

And really it's not like I don't want to help people. I DO. It's why I want to be a librarian! But these days, I can't help but note the added restriction on time that gives me...the added pressure...the added strain.

And when I tell this to that person...then they get defensive. I'm always too busy to help. I always have to be reminded. I'm never available. So that's my fault too. It's my fault I'm tired. It's my fault I'm too busy. It's my fault I snap when asked repeatedly to help them with something. Fine...they'll just get someone else...they'll pay for the help. Cuz I'm a bad person. And I can't do it.

I wonder how much of this is self-induced. I'm sure a lot. But I don't know what to do about it. What to do? What to do? Too much thinking. Too much work. Too much stuff.

I'm constantly on the brink of drowning.
HELP!